I can’t write about the weather. I can’t look out the window. I can’t think about the fact that my hubby is driving back 60-some miles in this icky snowstorm. It’s supposed to be spring, dammit!
*Deep breath* and *Exhaaaallleee*
So today I am sharing with you the beginnings of my new tattoo. I’ve been wanting to cover up two smallish tattoos on my back, my very first tattoo on my left shoulder and the classic “tramp stamp” that I got on a whim in Boulder, CO with a friend. I debated for a long time, but like all good things the idea came to me after some waiting. I have made some money from some wholesale promotion buttons I did and decided to treat myself. My hubby is also doing some trade work as Kelli’s stylist (maybe he’s not so worthless after all… J/K baby! Loves!)
I told her my ideas for what I wanted and as always she drew up something more amazing than I could have even imagined! It was a 5 hour day just to complete the outline and yes, it hurt like hell! I tapped out at the end not able to complete the last 20 minutes needed to do the log texture.
I am a creator (little c) and I am my hands. I love to garden and know that I will be missing my peonies this spring. They were my great-grandmothers that have been handed down generation after generation and it does break my heart a little that I had to leave them behind. So, Kelli is letting me take them with me. I have an affinity for bees- after all without them we would die. The live seamlessly in a little community each contributing to the greater good. They, too, are creators in a way. God’s little helpers.
I love to read and my all time favorite book is “The Handmaid’s Tale” by Margaret Atwood. I won’t tell you the whole story, but part that sticks with me is when Olfred finds the carving “nolite te bastardes carborundorum” in her closet. It’s a school boy version of latin meaning “Don’t let the bastards grind you down”. That is the theme of my life. With all adversities I try to remember “nolite te bastardes carborundorum”.
This is where I found myself once again the last year at my job. I never wrote much about it at the time, it’s just not that terribly professional, but basically the Health Care Home program was heading down paths that were not in the best interest of the patients. I believe whole heartedly in patient and family centered care. I felt like I eventually reached a crossroad where I could just show up and do my job and say fuck-it to all the other politics, stop speaking up and keep my head down and simply do the best that I could by my patients OR I could say “No!” and continue to speak up and advocate. I chose the latter, but sometimes it doesn’t matter how good your intentions or the reasons behind them. The good guy doesn’t always win. It sucks, but it’s true. So in this case I stepped away. It was a shitty choice (for the patients) but I wouldn’t be ground down. I won’t sacrifice. In the end I feel good about it. So I asked Kelli to incorporate it.
I’ve also collected over the years an Adinkra symbol “Hye wonnye” that I have on my left inner wrist. It means “imperishableness of self” or “he who burns be not burned”. I won’t be changed. I am who I am and that is wonderful.
So, I ask for “Nolite…”, bees, peonies. Feminine not girly. Think vintage botanical prints. And I get this AMAZING tattoo:
It’s dirty and red here, being freshly done and all, but I think it’s an amazing start! I’m in the itchy flaky stage of healing now (which sucks!) but can’t wait until we can start the color. That will probably be 2 good all day sittings, but it’ll be worth it in the end.
It’s beautiful and mostly now I’m just sad that it’s on my back where I can’t see it and am not able to really show it off…
And just for fun here is a really great YouTube original song inspired by The Handmaid’s Tale and polite the bastardes carborundorum.